The one thing to do when you are feeling stuck.
In my practice I often sit with people that feel stuck. They are taking action but not moving forward. Unable to reach their ideal in either personal or professional life. They feel as though the wheels keep spinning but the ground remains the same beneath their feet. Quite often this is coupled with a feeling of indignation. They read the secret, created a vision board, set goals, take action and create opportunity. But nothing budges. No new home, job, partner, social circle or pay rise.
Sometimes the answer doesn’t lie in a grand plan or carefully curated set of goals. It is not in the unceasing action that we make progress but in moments of reflection and introspection that the answers can be found. Digging deeper means understanding our thoughts and behaviours.
- Seeing how are choices are shaping our future outcomes.
- Recognizing our limiting patterns of behaviour
- Identifying our limiting beliefs and how they keep us stuck
- Understanding when acts of self-sabotage stop our progress
Claire came to see me feeling lonely. She had tried seeking out new social groups and possible partners. On her quest for love she had joined dating agencies, dance classes, activity weekends, created man boards and imagined her new ‘tribe’ and what they would do together. She was perplexed. No matter how hard she tried nothing came of her efforts.
Claire was 100% focused on the outcome and taking action but was ignoring the one thing that stood in her way……Claire. In the process of looking deeper Claire realized she didn’t really like herself. She had an innate feeling of not being good enough, lacking confidence and self belief. Every action she took was accompanied by a constant critical voice. Whilst she was taking action, it was not enough. Self sabotage came into play at every turn fuelled by a belief that she was inferior. Claire was focused on the outcome without addressing the inner blocks and behaviours that stood in her way.
- If you are feeling stuck ask yourself why. Look beneath the surface at your underlying beliefs about yourself and others.
- Reference the past and ask yourself if there is a destructive or limiting pattern that you keep repeating.
- Do you love and respect yourself? If you don’t it will be difficult to expect it of others.
- When we don’t feel worthy self-sabotage can manifest in the subtlest of ways. Instead of sticking images to a vision board first examine the ways you trip yourself up. This takes total honesty!
- Be aware of your internal dialogue. What do you tell yourself, how do you speak to yourself? What is the tone of that inner voice? Is it constantly criticizing?
- Be brutally honest with yourself. Sometimes we tick things off a list and feel progress is being made. Real progress lies in deep understanding and self-reflection. Concentrating on the inner work will manifest the outer changes you wish to see.
Begin with working on you and the world responds. If you feel like you are knocking but the door isn’t opening, stop knocking. It might be telling you to do some inner work. Retreat, resolve and re-emerge to set the wheels in motion again.